How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Are we still banned from the library?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bring me that man meat
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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