whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
