summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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