Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
