I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
