3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
