She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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