dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You did what with his pubic hair?
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