"it" just moved
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
