Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it was like eating out sand paper
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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