from now on my penis is your penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
