Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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