Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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