yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
