I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
