so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
