You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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