i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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