Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
