Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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