Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am one with the molecules
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize