But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
