id be glad to
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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