I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
