I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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