Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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