just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
