I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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