i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
