I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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