You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
