So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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