Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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