you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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