If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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