i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
