OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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