I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
