Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think my moral compass just broke
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
