Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
