AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
