Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
