Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
