time to smoke my breakfast
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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