They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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