guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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