I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
