she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.