Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask