I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.