If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it