her vagine was all disorganized.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
