I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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