I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
