You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The uberlube is also flammable
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
