At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
