No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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