i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
