I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
