You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
