Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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