she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
