I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
