he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
