Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
