Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
