I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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