Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
