Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
