it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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