Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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