...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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