Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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