mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
