My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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