Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im six kinds of drunk right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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