I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
