if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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