I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
